Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Randomize
