Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
