Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
why is half of my head shaved?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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