I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
