So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
