i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
