That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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