There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
