He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
