Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
