Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
