Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
