Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Banned from zoo.
Again?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
