Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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