I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
