Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
