shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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