Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
