The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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