A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
