if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize