The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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