$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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