all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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