when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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