Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
