giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
