mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
