Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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