dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
