Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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