just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
