I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I love you.
Bad choice
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