I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
