my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My dick has a subreddit
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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