I am puke
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Couch. On fire.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
