Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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