Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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