I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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