I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
