so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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