The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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