We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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