It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
