I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
