my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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