i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
