Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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