So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
