; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I cannot find my penis.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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