Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
