so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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