I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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