I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
