If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wish my penis had a tongue
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize