Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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