I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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