remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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