i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
