I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
