What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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