dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
