I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
