We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
